Peacefully Prepared: Responding To Threats As A Woman
Peacefully Prepared…It's such a beautiful juxtaposition when you think about it—how these two seemingly opposing ideas can actually work together to make us stronger and more secure. Peacefully prepared. (If you would rather listen, check out the Freely Feminine podcast episode where I chat with Taalyr Claridge from Church and State Designs.)
In this post, I'll be sharing insights into how women and men differ in their responses to emergencies. Whether it’s witnessing a car accident or facing a threatening situation, we’ll explore the unique ways women perceive and handle threats.
We’ll also chat about the constant state of alert many women experience and how it impacts our everyday lives and long-term health. I'll offer some practical tips on staying prepared without losing your peace of mind.
So, how do women differ from men in emergency situations? Whether it's witnessing a car accident or facing a threatening situation, we perceive and handle threats in unique ways.
The first difference is that we are in a constant state of alert - our threat detector is at an expert level. Women are constantly on high alert, thanks to the architecture of our brains and physiology. The traditional fight, flight, or freeze theory (which has been the primary response theory for the past 50 or so years) was based mainly on male biology. However, a researcher named Anne Campbell found that threats have a higher fitness value for women, which essentially means it takes a lot more for us to fend off an assailant, so we adapt by being on alert to more subtle stimuli.
We not only respond to visible threats, like an assailant, but also to more peripheral ones. For instance, women mount stronger immune responses to those little microscopic threats we know as pathogens and have a lower threshold to detect pain, allowing us to feel and respond more quickly. We more easily wake in the night (especially when we have little ones, as we are not only alert for our own security but also for the survival of our offspring). Women tend to express greater concern about physically dangerous situations. We react to threats with greater fear, disgust, and/or sadness and put in more effort to avoid social conflicts (we'll discuss why that is a little later).
We perceive threats in many forms, whether it's someone saying something mean online or thinking our friends are gossiping about us. This constant alertness means our threat detection system is always on high.
Ever heard the idea that women are still 70% awake when they’re asleep? It’s not just a joke. While that number is not accurate, studies show women have higher sleep EEG power than men, indicating a heightened level of activity. Our brains keep us at a level of alert for self-preservation and the protection of our children. It gives us the ability to "protect the nest from intruders."
Our nervous systems are primed for these responses. Our brains process information five times faster than men’s, picking up all kinds of stimuli all the time. This is why doom scrolling can be particularly harmful for us—we have strong mirror neurons and can deeply empathize with others' traumatic experiences.
Studies show that girls as young as four are more likely to anticipate potential threats based on previous experiences than boys. Women retain stronger and more vivid memories of emotional events and recall them quickly. While men recall strategic memories, our memories are more emotionally enveloped. Our brains constantly connect events to potential dangers, making us think long-term, like worrying about the future impacts on our offspring.
One of my favorite analogies is that men are like waffles, compartmentalizing and dealing with one thing at a time, while women are like spaghetti, where everything is interconnected. This means we’re always thinking about potential threats and their long-term effects.
This doesn't mean men aren't thinking about potential threats, but they are more able to react and respond with a greater chance of success, so the need to anticipate is less.
Just the other day, my friend told me she took her kids on a field trip to see the big dam at the reservoir near their home. Their tour guide (who was very knowledgeable and sweet) responded with, "It's not my problem," when she asked him about the hundred-year or thousand-year trajectory of the dam. Men are incredible at the here and now. They more naturally stay in the present moment (something many women, including myself, can struggle with).
It made me think about how we, as women, are wired to think long-term, considering the impacts on future generations. We hold the potential for three generations in our bodies, which makes sense that we’re set up to think far ahead.
So, how do we handle all this in a world that bombards us with scary information and does anything but create peace? Here are some tips that have helped me:
Protect Your Peace: Avoid things that stress you out, like doom scrolling or toxic relationships. Be religious about not bringing in things that create unnecessary stress. For me, this includes certain movies or shows, the "news," and even some music.
Challenge Yourself: Put yourself in situations that challenge you appropriately to help create more capacity in the body and nervous system. I'm not talking about cold plunges here - that's not biologically appropriate for women but is a conversation for another time.
Create Preparedness Plans: Preparation IS peace to a degree. When you know you have the tools you need, you embody an inner confidence that allows you to take on the unknowns. Know how to respond to emergencies. Have medical kits ready and know how to use them, have emergency supplies in your car before venturing out on a snowy day, have an exit strategy prepared with your family in case there was ever an intruder or fire. There are so many ways we can prepare to create peace without leading in fear.
Build Strong Social Networks: Our nervous systems go into "tend and befriend" mode in stressful situations. Forming coalitions with other women reduces stress and provides a literal survival structure. We thrive on collaboration, not competition.
Set Boundaries: Remove energy drainers from your life. Look at relationships and situations causing constant stress and set firm boundaries.
We can find peace in being prepared and knowing we've done all we can. Preparedness is about creating structures in your life that ensure protection and provision.
If you don't have someone physically protecting you, self-defense can level the playing field. Part of embracing our biology is not ignoring the truth that we are not as physically strong, we aren't able to mount an attack the same way a man can, and we do have to look at other ways to ensure our safety and the safety of our families. This may take the form of a firearm or another self-defense tool, but it may also look like tending to those peripheral anticipatory threats through systems and structures in your business, cultivating a strong social network and healthy relationships, maintaining a sound body, or eliminating excess stressors.
You can create a life where peace and preparedness go hand in hand. Until next time, friend, take care and stay prepared.
XX Beth
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